I am in love with many things and discovering myself along the way. It is the best kind of journey to have. As we grow from kids to teens, from teen to young adults, and then somehow manage to make it into adults we sometimes forget what got us here. I am sitting here typing about how I have not forgotten.
I was a happy little girl who loved pink, threw fits, and was stuck the middle child at six after the birth of my brother. My older sister was my ideal and from times I still consider her such.
In my teenage years I experience true rebellion and the realization that was was always angry, pick wasn't cool, and there were no such things as tears no matter the amount of blood or who was talking. I gained great satisfaction from others pain and have many a time manipulated words to get what I wanted without people realizing it. I was even known as Wrath in a group called 'Sinners'. there were six of us with the titles from the seven deadly sins, we never had a gluttony.
Once in high school My darkness calmed and I became part of the JB&ME as we called it. A group of four girls, a white, an Asian a puerto rican, and a black girl. I always have to point it out because it's just funny that we all came together and yet so different. Pink had finally become a color I was okay with again and my big sis ran off to college where she is getting her masters. that is also about the time I found the love of my life. though I should say that he found me and i stalked him. Can you imagine what a guy like that was thinking walking up to a girl dressed in all black who was four years younger. I was 17 at the time. He quickly ran off, but I have a great memory and thus I looked him up online...I also background searched him and well...to make a long story short a few months later we started dating and BAM! we are married. but that was later.
Finally out of high school my friends scattered across the state and it became apparent that my world would not be the same. I was too comfortable with the way things were and finally I realized that I had to let things go and relax. Things change. I can not stop that. I can not hold tight to things and expect them to stay the same just for me. No. I was being selfish. So after the death of my friend's father I couldn't take it. I lost my job because I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed a change. I couldn't hold onto everything around me. I needed to let go and move on.
So on September 11 of 2011 we lost my friends father, October 9th I lost my job, Oct 18 was my birthday and I was overly depressed, sometime in November things started to get better, and on December 13 I was married after four years of dating. It was after that that he said he would get a job and support us for a change. (I had been working three years supporting us) He told me to do what I have always wanted to do and thus I write.
I love my husband so much.
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Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Have you ever…
Have you ever had a book that had you at hello? One of those stories where you read the title, saw the picture, or just read the back and you were hooked. Caught yourself in the checkout line reading the inside folds, about the author, New York Times comments, and maybe even the beginning of the story? Stumbled with your purse after two people had to get your attention because your nose was in the book trying to get to that next scene in the first chapter?
After gathering your money, getting the receipt, and thankfully not dropping anything else you shuttle off somehow avoiding the display sign which you think, “when did that get there?”.
You have somehow made it to the car and set your new prized possession in the passenger seat. Which as you take off down the road you realize that may not have been a good idea since it is now in your peripheral vision and is taunting you.
Thankfully you have made it home and survived only to get in the front door and having people talking, animals wanting attention, things to do, and nowhere for silence. How frustrating it is to be holding your little treasure and not be able to enjoy it until in the evening when the house has settled, people are going to bed, and the world has seemed to calm down.
Once you finally get some alone time with your book it suddenly becomes a whole new world. Your room fills with nothing but the sound of the characters talking or you are leaned forward waiting for the next part to the most irritatingly drawn out scene ever, but it was worth it.
Page by page you follow the book from one calm moment to a rush of excitement almost in the battle yourself or locked in the arms of a lover. The only thing pulling you back to reality is the realization that you can’t hold your bladder forever and eventually it will win. So you slowly crawl your way to the bathroom holding onto your book. There’s a seat! You’ll take it with you!
Time has flown by and you managed to make it back to your quiet room where it is filled with heart felt emotion from the characters in the book. The sun has long since gone to bed, but you have to keep reading. You have to know if they will get together, if they will ever find out who’s behind all the deadly attempts on your beloved characters’ lives, and how will it end?
Your spouse has given up talking you into bed. Soon the words begin to blur a little and you find yourself rubbing them more and more with the turn of each page. You have already succeeded in laughing at the book, arguing with it, and may have even shed a tear.
Finally you are coming to the end. You don’t want it to, but it has to come. Your heart is still pounding as you turn to the last page and read the last few lines holding your breath a little and at the last words releasing it was satisfaction. Nothing could beat that moment. That rush of enjoyment--which you were held so close to for so long--finally finishing the book.
You take another deep breath and close the book. Tap the cover and place it worthily on your book shelf. You stand for a long needed stretch and rub your back. It is only when going to bed do you realize that it is almost morning and soon the house will again be alive and the world will continue moving, but it was worth it.
By B. Franklin